I have been thinking about  the here and the now.  I occasionally think about where I have been and where I'd like to go, but I find that life is much more managable when I stay focused on the now.  It's also a lot easier to stay balanced that way.

Dream Variations
   ~Langston Hughes

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
    Dark like me-
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening...
A tall, slim tree...
Night coming tenderly
    Black like me.

    

     I have had several memorable mentors over the years, and each one has been instrumental in a positive and life-changing way.  Right now, however, my mentors are light and shadow.  They are teaching me about their never-ending dance.  They are showing me how they play and how to see them in a favorable "light". 

     Along with light and shadow, there is a very patient photographer who has been kind enough to give me detailed information about seeing the world through the lens of a camera.  He has been free and open with his knowledge and his time, and that has meant a lot to me.  He has been patient with my questions (and anyone who knows me well, knows that I've got plenty of those floating around) and he has given me advice and pointers.  I can't begin thank him enough - having someone that I can talk to and someone who is willing to share is invaluable.

     My current mentors are teaching me to see the world in a different way, and each day is new and exciting because of my new perspective.

I am the voice behind the morning announcements in my school.  I stumbled upon the job kind of by accident.  The teacher who usually made the announcements was absent.  I filled in for her, and the rest is history.  It's always a little bit amusing to see the look on people's faces when they don't know that it's me who is making the announcements, and they realize it for the first time.  I usually get something like this: "It's... it's you!  You are the voice behind the announcements!"  Whenever that happens, I get a little flashback to The Wizard of Oz... I feel like the Wizard when he has been discovered by Toto.

On Tuesday morning, I was sharing the fact that it was Groundhog Day and I hadn't heard whether or not Punxsutawney Phil had seen his shadow.  As soon as the words came out of my mouth, Daniel, a first-grader, flew into the office.  His eyes were twinkling and his breathing was labored.  "Do you have news about Phil?"  I asked.  He nodded - his grin was too big to let words out.  "Well?" I continued.  "What's the verdict?"  "He saw his shadow, six more weeks of winter!"  Exclaimed Daniel. 

My mind immediately raced to six more weeks of delayed openings, early release days train delays, ungraceful falls (yes, I took a spill in a driveway... I'm glad no one saw!) and school cancellations all due to inappropriately timed snowfalls.  I smiled a phony smile as I left the office.  Six weeks which was probably bound to be more like 10 weeks.  I pushed my thoughts aside.  The kids sure were happy that Phil had seen his shadow.  Alexander, one of our second graders who had recently lost control of his sled and scraped one whole side of his face, was actually welcoming another sledding opportunity. 

"Six more weeks of winter"  said Punxsutawney Phil
as he crawled back toward his bed
"All this snow and ice and stuff isn't what they said
I'd rather wait for daffodils and a robin's, cheerio!
Until that time has come, my friends, it's back to sleep I go!"

So, each and every day, I try to see the good - amidst all the ice and snow and slush.  Trust me, if you stay in the moment and take a look around - there's a treasure trove of beauty and each day it unfolds a little differently.



Just take this example of "glass grass" for instance.  We had rain which had frozen and created a beautiful layer of ice on everything.  I wanted to take a few photographs, but even with a delayed opening, momentous rush of the morning routine swept me up in it, and before I knew it, I didn't even have enough time to take any photos.  I thought about my missed opportunity ALL DAY LONG and regretted not having taken the time to slow it down.  When I got home, I was delighted to learn that the ice coating had not melted.  I was given a second chance, and this is what I saw...

I got this in an email today and thought I'd share it.
Enjoy!
Hugs!

INSTALLING LOVE

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longerdisrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is thatnormal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program notrun on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system willoverwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart.Is this normal?

Tech Support:  Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So LOVE is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. LOVE is Freeware. Be sure to give itand its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some coolmodules back to you.

Love is like a symphony.  Many different instruments are all part of one larger sound, and so it is with love... many different pieces working, making life come alive.  Love tends to creep in like a melody as it floats in and joins the baseline.  It makes everything sweeter, easier and more pleasant.  Love is being able to appreciate the moment for what it is - not for what you wish it were.   

I have incorporated a little place called Mac's Harbor into my daily AM routine.  I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago, and I have been going there every morning since then.  Sunrise after sunrise, I am there.  Some days I am able to watch the sun as it cracks up over the horizon.  Other days, I catch it after it has already made its grand entrance.  I watch and I wait.  Will the sun win out, or will the clouds be the victor?  Will the skies be painted with pinks and purples, cotton ball clouds or washed with the diffused light of a foggy morn?  Each day is like opening a box of Cracker Jacks... it's always good, it's always enjoyable and the prize, well, you never know what it's going to be, but you still look forward to it.

I have also begun to look forward to the people in Mac's Harbor.  At first, I was embarrassed to place myself in everyone's field of view.  There are a couple of different reasons for feeling that way.  First of all, I don't want to be the thing that is standing in the way of everyone's sunrise, every day.  I try to blend in... my jacket is orange!  I have come to find out that there are many of us who enjoy Mac's Harbor... after all, it is a magical place - it has the ability to heal and soothe and put things into perspective.  I center myself before I start my day - even if I only have ten minutes before I've got to rush off and grab my train, I'm thankful for that time. 

Jeff was the first to speak to me.  One day he commented on the beauty and I exchanged a few words with him.  We have spoken each day since then.  He is a salesman who lives around the corner from the water.  Jeff spends some time each morning walking around the neighborhood.  He always has a smile and a twinkle in his eye.  Jeff and I have spoken about the migratory diving ducks that are returning to the harbor.  Their antics are fun to watch... the ducks dive down in search of food and then suddenly pop up to the surface.  You're never quite sure when or where they'll pop up!

Today, Jeff introduced me to Stanley and his steadfast companion, Pika.  Pika fills Stanley's days with company now that Stanley's wife has died.  He told me that at first, he and his wife weren't sure about adopting Pika, but he couldn't imagine life any other way.  Blessings do come in small packages.

My daily trips to Mac's Harbor have led me to meet new people and to see new things.  Each day brings something new - new light, new shadows, new animals, new people and conversations.  I know this is just the beginning of the story, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds! 

* Please be aware that part of this blog is very sad and borders on disturbing.  Please proceed with caution. *

Fragile is my word of the week.
First off, there's this quaint, little thrift shop in Old Greenwich that I love to visit.  It has loads of stuff to look at and explore.  I never leave empty handed!  This year, they had a spectacular window display, which included this lamp from A Christmas Story.  I knew that I had to return with my camera.  Yes, the infamous lamp Fragile... FraGeeLay!  Yes, that was Monday's occurrence of the word Fragile, and it was one that made me chuckle and then laugh!

Monday afternoon's example was a little less funny, and a lot more serious.  My hometown is a busy city.  It is a true melting pot... many different people, many different cultures, many different ideas of what is right and okay.  I suppose it isn't really that different from any other place in the world, it is just special to me because I grew up there. 

Monday afternoon, Travis, a 15 year-old, 200lb chimpanzee brutally attacked his owner's best friend.  It was a horrendous attack which has left my hometown shaken.  Evidently, Travis had gotten out of the house, and his owner Sandra had called her best friend, Charla for help in luring him back into the home.  When Charla arrived, Travis attacked her in the driveway, mauling her and almost killing her.  It is a sad series of events, which eventually caused Sandra to stab Travis in order to try and save Charla's life.  The 911 call brought me to tears.  Travis was like a son to Sandra.  Travis was still enraged when the police got to the house.  He tried attacking the officers, which led them to shoot him several times in the chest.  It is with a heavy heart that I continue.  Travis retreated into the house and died in his bed.  Fragile.  A wild animal that was kept from a pet since he was 3 days old.  The real tragedy here is the fact that Travis was a wild animal.  Yes, he bathed himself, was toilet trained, fed himself and was gentle all of those years, but the long and short of it is still the fact that chimpanzees are wild animals, and when Travis went wild, he wound up critically injuring a woman (almost killing her) and was killed for it.  Yes... fragile.


On Tuesday night, I had a beautiful encounter with a pair of swans.  The pair of Mute Swans were on the boat ramp.  I approached them and spoke gently to them.  They seemed curious and stayed close.  As I watched them, it occurred to me that they are part of a Fragile system - an ecosystem that is intertwined - one thing depending on another.  When one or more parts of that ecosystem become damaged or destroyed, the rest of the system is affected.  Animals depend on clean water that is safe from dangerous chemicals and fishing lines and hooks.  They eat vegetation.  That vegetation depends on clean water which is free from oil and pesticides.  From the smallest, microscopic creature to the most majestic- the system is Fragile and it is dependent on being undisturbed and not disrupted in order for the Fragile web of life to be supported. 

Yes, I think that Fragile is an appropriate word for the week!
Hugs!
-Susan

From the Carousel of Life...

Photo from Google Images

Questions and musings... wanting to know how the big, amazing world around me works.  Why and how and what if are just a few.  Sometimes my friends will say "Who cares?" and I reply "I do... that's who!", and I really do.  It's more than just curiosity - it's really wanting to understand the nooks and crannies of what make life incredible.

Make no mistake about it... things happen for a reason.  Sometimes we are too busy or self absorbed to notice.  Perhaps we have something weighing on us - something that occupies our thoughts.  Sometimes we are looking at the bigger picture instead of taking the time to focus on the details.  Well, when we are not in the moment and when we let our lives get cluttered up, that's when it begins to pass us by.
Stop.  Breathe.  Be still...
When I made the choice to incorporate Mac's Harbor into my daily routine, I never realized what an impact it would have on my life.  A few moments - watching the sun rise... listening to the marsh breathing, the gulls laughing, a buoy bobbing, a distant fog horn sounding.  I stand so still that I am aware of my heart beating, my breath slowly slips out of my mouth and curls around slowly in the cold morning air - almost like smoke in a black and white film...  A few moments is all I need.  It is a calming place and a place that makes me feel grateful.
 
Yesterday, I saw Jeff.  I hadn't seen him in almost a week because I had the previous week off.  We chatted.  We spoke about the magic of the sunrise and how each one was different.  Jeff uses Mac's Harbor as a way to start his day as well.  Somehow, I mentioned my blog - I don't really know how it fit into the conversation, but the words kind of flew out of my mouth.  "Gaia - Gaia.com... that's where I blog.  Give me your email address, and I'll send you the link."  He gave me his email address, I sent him the link and I went about my day. 

This morning, I was drinking in the filtered light of the sunrise - the sun was buried deep inside a cloud, yet part of its rays were shining down through holes in the clouds.  I shot a few photos and headed to my car.  I had spent a few minutes drinking in the beauty of the day and I knew I was cutting it a little bit close.. I had to get to the train.

As I walked to my car, another car was pulling into the parking lot.  It seemed as if the driver was heading straight for me.  Hmmmm...  I kept on walking - confident that  the driver would stop before hitting me.  The driver smiled.  I ducked down so I could see into the passenger window.  It was Jeff behind the wheel!  I almost didn't recognize him.  I normally see him with a winter hat on before he has started his day... today he was ready for work, dressed in work clothes and sipping coffee!  It took me a few minutes to process the whole thing.

"I read your blog and looked at your photos.  You've inspired me to start my day early."  I was tongue-tied.  We spoke for a few minutes.  Every other word that came out of my mouth, I tripped over.  I was thrown for a loop, and didn't know why.  "Have a great day, Jeff!  I'll see you tomorrow."  "You too, Susan.  Bye!" he replied.

I got into my car, and slowly backed up.  For some reason, I looked at the back of his car.  I couldn't even tell you the make of his car, but what I saw on the right-hand side of the bumper, made me smile.

Namaste.  He had a Namaste bumper sticker.
Yup,
things happen for a reason - you just have to be in tune enough to see how all of the pieces fit together.
Namaste!  We are all one when we live from the heart.
I hope you have a magically, wonderful day.
Hugs and Namaste!
-Susan

From ashes, the Phoenix rises- stronger!

The morning was overcast.  Oddly warm at first feel, but still only 30 and very damp.  From my front door, the day was grey... mist on top of mist.  I wondered if it would burn off, or remain heavy like a cloak.  The girls got on the school bus and I headed toward the harbor.  As I drove, I could see light.  Ahhhhhhh... light.  There was possibility here.  I continued to make my way down to the water.  My heart fluttered.  I could see a beautiful sun through the odd mist and cloud cover.  The light was diffused and washed.  Each moment that passed was a moment of changing light.  A moment slipping by.  I made it to the dock with only 10 minutes to spare.  Not a lot of time, but enough.

I scanned the horizon.
  I took a few photos. 
      I spoke softly to a gull.
I experimented with different f-stops... part of my assignment for photography class.

There was a half finished bottle of Corona on a wooden piling.  I snapped a few photos of it in the foreground- the sunrise in the background.  Then I noticed what I had been missing.

I saw the condensation.
     Drops of water - beads - had gathered on the clear glass of the bottleneck. 
Hmmm...
I looked at the bottle with renewed interest.
Was it possible to really capture what I saw?
I was going to try.
    When I proofed the photos in Photoshop, Otis Redding's song The Dock of the Bay popped into my mind.  
Here's what I saw, and what it made me think of.
Enjoy! 

Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time


(SITTIN' ON) THE DOCK OF THE BAY
*Written by Otis Redding and Steve Cropper
*Lyrics as recorded by Otis Redding December 7, 1967, just three
days before his death in a plane crash outside Madison, Wisconsin
*#1 for 4 weeks in 1968