1. Today is November 1st, and it was a fine day here in New England.

2. Daylight saving time allowed me to "fall back" and gain an extra hour today.

3. Number 2 was really good since I had a few appletini's last night and didn't get home until 1.  That doesn't really sound late, but I had a busy day and the drinks made me sleepy.  Don't worry, I didn't drink and drive, I walked.

4. My daughters' laughter!

5. My eldest daughter played in her first basketball game today.  Her team won... 31 to 14.  She was so excited.

6. Karl made delicious ribs and nutritious salad for dinner tonight.

7. There was a huge sundog in the sky as we were driving to the basketball game.  You could see all of the colors of the rainbow in it!

8. We went to a dog halloween parade today.  Yes, it's November 1st, but the dogs were all dressed in costume!  They were so cute.  The costumes were so creative and the dogs were so cute.  Our favorite was the evil swine - it tried attacking another dog.

9. The autumn leaves are still beautiful.  The yellows, browns and reds of the beech trees, the oaks (Connecticut has 10 different types of oak trees), sweetgums and the maples look magnificent when the light is just right.

10. The autumn light is magical against darkish skies.

Hugs!
-Susan

The ability to appreciate things that I may not have understood or appreciated before.

1. The smell of Karl's fresh apfel kuchen as it bakes in the oven.  Okay, okay, I'm totally spoiled by his baking!

2. Tonight's sunset.

3. The fact that there's a LIVE ladybug still in my bedroom.  Yes, you may find it creepy, but I will let it be.

4. My "hope" painting done by RainCrow.  The painting hangs over my bed and it reminds me that there is always hope.

5. My cats and their sweetness.

6. Making new friends but keeping the old.  Thanks for the friend invite, Trinity.  Thanks for the email, Amber!

7. I love the harbor light in the early morning.  It is especially beautiful this time of year.

Hugs!

-Susan

     Kate DiCamillo is one of my favorite children's authors.  She wrote a book called Because of Winn Dixie.  If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.  One key element in the book is the "Litmus Lozenge," a type of hard candy invented by a Civil War veteran who decided that the world was a sorry affair and that it had enough ugly things in it.  He was going to concentrate on putting something sweet in that upside-down world.  He found a way to mix the sweetness and sorrow. It's described as having a "melancholy" taste.  This veteran found a way to survive after losing everything he loved. 
     "I ate my Litmus Lozenge slow.  It tasted good.  It tasted like root beer and strawberry and something else I didn't have a name for, something that made me feel kind of sad."  said Opal India Buloni, the main character of the book.  You may wonder where I'm trying to go.  Let me continue.
     When I read this book, and finally saw the movie, the talk of the Litmus Lozenge didn't mean much to me.  I knew of happy things and I knew of sad things, but a piece of candy had never made me sad.
     Two Saturdays ago, I was driving the girls somewhere.  The Halloween candy had already been snuck into, and as I drove, I unwrapped one of those mini Paydays.  I've never been a huge fan of peanuts on my candy bars, but as I've gotten older, I suppose the area where salty meets sweet has gotten smaller and smaller to the point where they overlap from time to time.   I opened the plastic and took a bite - being careful not to scatter the salty peanuts as I bit into the bar.  Something weird happened at that moment.
     As I chewed, this feeling of sorrow washed over me.  The salty peanuts mixed with the sweetness of the caramel brought me back to a time that I can never get back.  It brought me back to the age of innocence... when I was a child.  I had a newspaper route and I would haul newspapers seven days a week.  I delivered to neighbors and to friends.
     William Montgomery Vaughn was a customer on my route.  He was a grouchy curmudgeon.  Nothing I could say or do was ever good enough.  I always delivered the newspaper the wrong way.  If the phone rang when I was done with my route, I knew it was him calling, and I knew that I had failed him, yet again!  Oh, how I used to cringe when he called!
     His usual M.O. consisted of using a clothes pin to "pin" a note or his payment to his mailbox.  He kept the conversation to a minimum and would only have a sign that read "Sue, please ring bell" if I had done something "wrong".  One Halloween, there was one such "Sue, please ring bell" notes on the mailbox.  I sighed rather loudly.
     I slowly rolled my eyes around in my head, reached up and rang the bell and exhaled slowly and loudly.  I waited.  I could hear him shouting that he was "coming!  I'M Coming.  I'll BE RIGHT THERE... don't leave!"  Duh!  Where was I going?  I'd have to wait for him.  If I didn't, his phone call would make it home before I did, and my mother would turn me right around and send me immediately back.
     The door opened just a crack and he thrust a small box of chocolates with a bright, orange envelope taped to it.  "GO ON!  Get out of here now.  Stop looking at me like that.  Good bye!" and with that he quickly shut the door.  I stood there kind of dumbfounded and surely not quite sure of what had just happened.  It was Halloween and he had taken the time to get me a theater style box of Fifth Avenue bars and a Halloween card.  He had signed the card WV, which was his signature closure.  I smiled as I walked away.  He really did care.  He just didn't know how to be one hundred percent human about it.
     That ice-breaking moment was the point of the great thaw for us.  We struck up an amazing friendship that lasted a handful of years until his death.  I took WV's death hard.  He was so fragile, but had tried to stay like a block of granite for the 10 years that had followed his wife's tragic death.  He needed people, but was afraid of losing them.  He was sort of a young bully in an old body.  We shared many conversations together and my mother always sent hot meals to his house on the holidays.  We always invited him over, but his pride stood in the way.  Eating my mother's delicious meals, alone, was okay for him.
     As I bit into that Payday bar, it was like eating a Litmus Lozenge for me.  I thought of William Montgomery Vaughn and his fragility.  His pride had caused him the pain of loneliness.  The salty peanuts made me think of his Fifth Avenue bars and as I wiped my tears away as I drove, I finally understood how something could be sweet and sad and all kinds of melancholy all at one time.  I could taste the sorrow of a friendship that had been wonderful for both of us.  I could taste the sorrow of missing someone that I really cared about... even after 18 solid years.  It wasn't just about feeling sad, it was tasting sorrow.
     That moment faded and my daughters were worried about my tears.  I assured them that they were happy tears and I tried to explain what had happened.  I don't think they really got it.  I'm not sure if this blog will even make sense, but I hope that those of you who read it, will get the chance to taste life's Litmus Lozenges just once in this lifetime.

1. Kisses from my cat, Georgie.  She was never really a snuggler, but she has become one as of late.  I wonder why she's had such a change of heart.

2. My heath.

3. Participating in the science professional developement today.  I've really come to realize that science is my wheelhouse!

4. The right to vote. 

5. Colleagues who will go out of the way for me.

6. Nutritious and delicious lunch with my colleagues today.  Donna grilled chicken and peppers and we had those on a delicious garden salad.  We had Karl's apfel kuchen for dessert.  YUMMY!

7. I'm pretty sure I saw a kingfisher in the harbor today!

8. I love it when my friends understand what's in my heart.

Hugs!
-Susan

It's the ability to be and to do and to interact with the responsibility to remember that your actions affect those around you.  It's kind of like free to be you and me... the two go hand in hand.

 

     I'm no stranger to engaging strangers in conversation... especially those strangers who I see on a daily basis.  You know how it goes.  It starts out with a quick and courteous "Hi" one day and then the conversation builds as days flow into weeks, weeks become months and before you know it you wonder how it all began.  That's how it usually goes with the people that I speak to on the train, so let me tell you about Keith.
     Keith is pretty hard to miss.  He's got a ponytail, and is often seen with a lute in a leather sheath sticking out if his backpack.  He works at the post office with Jose and another guy.  They take the 3:51 train home with us.  As the days and weeks and months have rolled by, we've politely chatted and have worked up to full conversations that last the entire train ride.  Keith is really interested in Native Americans and he knows a lot about them and about their beliefs. 
     Today we spoke about many things and bees just happened to be one of the topics that we discussed.  Keith mentioned that once he was having a conversation with a self-proclaimed bee expert.  He mentioned something about animals that eat bees, and she claimed that there weren't any.  "Look Deeper" Keith told her.  "You might just learn something new."  I immediately leaned closer.  "Well, what animals eat bees?"  I asked.  Keith just chuckled and said "Look Deeper".  Yes, I had a lesson to learn.  Here's what I found out:
     There are 8 main animals that actually eat bees.  The number one bee-eating animal is birds.  Should have known it!  Birds catch bees as the bee is flying by.  A bird can actually spot a bee up to 150 feet away... talk about great eyesight!  Then there's the honey badger.  He doesn't work alone.  He partners up with a small bird called the honey guide.  The honey badger tears into a honey tree and begins to eat handfuls of honey and bees.  Meanwhile, the honey guide snaps up as many bees as it can.  Together, the two of them make quite the tag team!  Lizards, toads, snakes, spiders, skunks and the praying mantis also like to dine on bees.
     Look Deeper.
     I have had several fox sightings lately.  A pair of foxes had 4 kits this summer and it was fun to watch them as they grew.  Cute little kits grow up to be full-grown adults.  Full grown adults have to compete for food.  I just hope they don't see my cats as complete, to-go, meals fit for an entire family!  I've been thinking about trapping and relocating the foxes so they can dine on cats other than my own.  I mentioned this to Keith last week.  He leaned forward and basically told me that there was probably something that I was supposed to learn from them.
     Look Deeper.
     Okay, so I research about the fox and I try to learn from it.  This is what I found out:
"Skilled and ingenious, cunning, a new world and creative process opening up, look in between yourself and others (physically, mentally, spiritually), teaches gentleness, swiftness and persistence, courage, power of observation, good eating habits and taking care of health concerns, shift awareness to feminine energies for balance.  Fox can teach you how to walk in both worlds and in between since he is the master of camouflage and shape-shifting and walking the spaces in between.  Are you in harmony with your surroundings?  Blending in with others?  It is a time to be careful and discriminating, aware of your communication abilities, and to be alert to your surroundings.  Fox teaches how to be still and silent and all the qualities of patience."

     The fox is not the only animal that has been hanging around lately.  There have also been several ladybugs that have been on my side of the bedroom.  Since I am taking the time to Look Deeper, maybe I should look into what the ladybug might be trying to show me.  This is what I learned: 

     "Ladybugs are about metamorphosis, growth and manifestation of ideas and thoughts.  It is a time to succeed and start something new.  Ladybug Beetles have a protective quality that will aid in the ability to socialize and communicate effectively by illuminating problems and situations in the correct perspective.  Are you socializing too much or not enough?  Are you eating correctly?  Now is the time to examine eating habits.  Can you identify which stage of development are you in egg/larva/pupa/adult?  Is it time to "fly" or walk in life?  Ladybugs will show when to hibernate ideas/actions and emerge in opportune moments.  Ladybugs will teach persistence with charm, trust in the process, effectiveness of natural defenses, transformation of unwanted fears along with proper movement and actions which allows the regeneration of your spirit to prosper.

     Look Deeper

Then there's the praying mantis.  They aren't usually seen by humans.  They have incredible camouflage and blend in.  Here's what I've learned about the praying mantis:

     "Power of calmness, stillness, silence, time of meditation, inner reflection, stillness in healing or in creativity, teaches how to manipulate surroundings with skill, direct the body's energy to empower the body.  Are you taking some quiet time for yourself?  Are you being patient with those around you?  Are you moving toward your goals?  However slow it may take, patience and perseverance is the key.  Are you allowing the time to stop and pause between tasks?  Are you listening carefully to yourself, others and your surroundings - in other words are you paying attention?  Praying mantis can teach you how to balance these energies."

     Look Deeper

     Finally, I have been thinking a lot about bees.  I photographed bees on flowers every chance I got, this summer.  There was even a bee that was on a plant that Karl brought in as the weather got colder here.  That bee spent several days on the plant inside.  I finally set her free out of fear that she wasn't getting what she needed in the way of food.  I dressed as a beekeeper for Halloween... complete with bees that flew around my head (Karl did an amazing job making my flying bees a reality!).  Here's some information about the bee:

     "Busiest and most useful of insects so it is time to examine your own productivity in life (mentally, spiritually, physically), shows how to communicate effectively, teaches how to carry loads and ideas to make them productive, teaches concentration and empowerment with lightness and agility.  Are you reaping the honey of life by your dreams and opportunities?  Are you productive in your actions?"

     There are many lessons to be learned here.  I know that I need to work on being patient.  I need to transform unwanted fears.  Calmness, stillness, silence, time of meditation, inner reflection, stillness are all areas of my life that need some work!  Finally, my communication skills could use a bit of clarity. 

     Looking deeper... I have found that if I pay close attention to my surroundings and the animals that intersect my path, I can learn how to be a better me.

     Community plays a huge role in my life.  It is probably the one thread that ties everything together.  First of all, as a teacher, I am part of a large community of students and their families.  We are all one big extended family.  I can not, nor do I wish to separate myself from them.  I get to know my students and their parents.  I even get to know siblings who are too young to go to our school.  The look on the little one's faces as I greet them too, well, that's just priceless.  For me, working with a member of my school neighborhood community is not just a one shot deal.  I'm planting life long seeds and I let my students know that I'll always be watching.  I'll be their biggest fan when their moment of greatness arrives!
     Yesterday, Davindra, one of my former students walked by the school at dismissal time.  He gave me a huge hug.  Davindra had been my student in fourth grade and now he was in eleventh grade.  Wow, time sure flies.  That seems like yesterday!  We chatted about how he was doing and about how his mom and sister were.  He had stopped by to tell me that he had gotten a job.  I love it!  The media specialist was also there, and in a rather snyde way, she inquired about why he had come by.  "Daviindra was a student of mine.  He came by because I'm the best teacher he ever had."  I said jokingly.  At that moment, Davindra turned to me and put his arm around me.  "You are the best teacher that I ever had.  Really.  You and one teacher that I have now.  You are the two best teachers ever!"  It hit me at that moment... community, a family, people working together, they are all powerful and beautiful things.
     I always get to know my neighbors.  I have also encouraged my daughters and Karl to get to know them too.  Some of them are quriky, but we've all got quirks.  I've come to find out that they will be there for me the same way that I'm there for them.  Karl and I were recently moving a mattress into the house.  Our neighbor, Ron, stopped by, said hi and immediately took over my role as mattress mover.  Getting to know my neighbors is a community building staple that my parents instilled in me.
     Last, but not least, is my family community.  Karl, the girls, the cats, the ferrets and I have come together as a family.  It isn't always easy, but we're trying.  Both of the girls are involved in sports and it's so cute to see them loving (and sometimes hating) it.  I stay in close contact with my younger brother, as he lives closer, and we visit often.  I talk to my older brother when I can, but he has a job that's a little crazy.  We're planning the 5 hour drive up to see him and his family next summer.
     Yes, community is big for me.  The small parts coming together to make something bigger.  Getting to know the people that I see and pass by every, single day.  Taking away the anonymity in life and filling it up with friendship.

     When my body needs healing, like now, the most healing place for me is in bed, with my faithful cat of 15 years, curled up next to me.  She knows what I need.  She curls up next to me and purrs.  She passes the time with me.  Karl's homemade chicken soup is also an important ingredient for getting better.
     When my heart or my mind needs healing, I head outside.  The woods, Long Island Sound, the dock.  Those places are magical.  The birds call and dance and float on air effortlessly.  The light changes constantly as it filters through the sky and through the tree branches.  The water and the woods, they soothe me.  Whether it's the crackle of leaves beneath my feet or the shifting sand and the jingling of tiny shells as I walk, those sounds wash over me and bring me back to an okay place.
 

There's a place where fresh water meets salt water...
The rich, brackish water is a place where many animals come to
    feed,
       rest,
         mate,
            raise young,
                and perhaps, just drink in the view.
That is where I have found contentment day after day... morning after morning.  I never get tired of letting it wash over my soul, for the view is never the same from one day to the next.

     My initial response was to shout out that life is all about color... splashy reds, yellows and oranges dotted with blues, greens and purple, but then I took a step back.  Color is often times so taken for granted.  It is also the space between... the muted and washed out colors that fill in the gaps.  The greys, taupes, blacks and whites... the russets and the browns with washed out blue jeans mixed in for good measure.  I think this photo best illustrates what I am trying to say. 
     Yes, the bright, loud colors are fun to play with and fun to be around, but at the end of the day, it is the muted colors that are found in the space between.  It's those "space between" colors that can paint a picture as amazing as all of those bright can.  Don't overlook the space between colors... I know that in rushing, sometimes I do.
Hugs!
-Susan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvkX3t5LgVI

A tugging at my heartstrings,
    whispers of having been there before...
  Watching, listening, feeling, projecting, reflecting, absorbing...
fear of ever having to stand in those painful shoes.
             Having swallowed that bitter pill before, never wanting to swallow one again.
Those things create empathy.
        It's that hollow feeling inside,
   sometimes a longing...
Feeling like someone took your breath away when you least expected it
    Seeing, feeling, connecting...
            Walking two moons in another's moccasins and finally knowing, grasping and understanding.
An open door, an open mind, an open heart... all of these create empathy.
   Empathy happens when you internalize what you see or hear.  It is that one ray of light in a grey place.  A connection, a feeling, a pulse...  It's the place where you find it difficult to look toward or away from something - having been there before, or imagining how painful it would be to go through a similar experience.  That's where empathy is born.
Hugs!
-Susan

As a teacher, I'm always in school.  I have my Master's degree, and really should go for my Sixth-year degree, but something about having to be the student has kept me from returning to the classroom for more post-graduate education. 

Let's just pretend, for a moment, that I wasn't a teacher.  Aside from the obvious choice of going back to school to study photography, I'd have to say that I really wished that I had spent more time studying the piano.  From time to time I sit down and play, but so much of what I used to know is now gone.  I should have stuck with it, but life took over.  I still have a piano and I still play.  I'm just not living up to my potential. 

George Winston - Reflection
Watch, listen, enjoy...

     I would have been some sort of a scientist.  I would have been the same, inquisitive person that I am now, but with fewer answers and resources.  There would have been plenty of opportunities for me to discover and explore and to make sense out of the unknown.  That sounds like such fun!